Paul Graham wrote about cities and ambition 14 years ago.
Each great city has a message.
New York tells you to have more money.
Silicon Valley whispers to you to get more power.
Los Angeles shouts at you to become more famous.
Other cities tell you to be smarter, become an insider, or have a better quality of life.
And this message shapes life in that city.
What people talk about, what they do, and what they admire…
But why does that happen?
How come millions of people copy each other and form a culture?
We imitate “models”
You know the saying: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
It’s a platitude, but it’s true.
We imitate the people around us. We mimic their lifestyles, ideas, desires…
And we make them our own.
If everybody in your college wants to become an investment banker, you also want that.
Not that you’d love the job, but because that’s what you see from others.
You create your reality by imitation.
René Girard explains it as mimetic desires.
People copy the desires of “models” in their lives.
And models can be friends, colleagues, or even people you follow on social media.
Three points to understand mimetic desires better:
- There is a distinction between needs and desires. Needs are intrinsic and real (e.g. food, shelter). But desires are mimetic and abstract. When you want a Lamborghini, you don’t desire the car itself; you desire the status it brings.
- When the desired object is scarce, it creates conflict between people. And the closer the people are, the stronger the conflict gets. If a stranger gets the job position you want, you don’t care much. But if your colleague gets it, you feel envy.
- People can imitate different models for different parts of their lives. You can imitate your fit friend’s desire to run a marathon, and your favorite thinker’s political opinion.
Yes, mimetic desires don’t seem so important at first.
But it’s one of the main drivers of human behavior.
And at scale, it forms cultures around the same rules and ambitions.
How to avoid unwanted mimetic desires (and use them to your benefit):
1. Avoid mimetic traps
Luke Burgis separates desires into two in his book “Wanting”: thick and thin desires.
You build thick desires over a long time.
And they are truly connected to who you are.
But thin desires come and go.
They are highly imitative.
When you chase your thin desires, you end up with bad investments or wrong career decisions.
We’ve talked about some personal examples above.
But it also applies to business.
Venture capital firms poured billions into crypto companies and web3.
Not that they were great businesses, but because everybody else was doing it.
They imitated others and feared missing out.
And most turned out to be terrible investments.
Another example is the “story” wave on social media.
WhatsApp, Twitter, and all other platforms copied the popular feature from Snapchat. Even Linkedin had stories for a while as if we asked for more cringe content.
Most of them removed the feature later.
So be aware of your thin desires that are temporal.
Identify your thick desires (e.g. freedom instead of more money or fame) and follow them.
2. Imitate with intention
Your environment has a severe impact on you.
But when you are aware of that, you can benefit from it.
You can change your models to imitate with intention.
So surround yourself with people you admire and that have the same thick desires as you.
You’ll inevitably imitate them and grow.
3. Be aware, you’re also a model
We all know Steve Jobs’ obsession with design and simplicity.
He wanted even the inside of Apple devices to look appealing — despite the users don’t see it.
He cared about every detail.
And all his employees copied his desire for perfection.
In the end, this became Apple’s culture.
Even today —after 11 years since he passed away— Apple still pays attention to details and design.
What’s the catch here?
Remember that you are also a model to the people around you.
You influence them more than you’d think.
If you have high standards while doing your job, they mimic that.
If you care about integrity, they copy that.
And this eventually becomes the culture of your family, team, or company.
So what you do (and how you do it) matters.
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